This season has been bonkers so far hasn’t it? In all honesty, we should have spotted the omens after we travelled down to Swindon for the opener. A goal up at half time. Looking good. It could have been 2-0 had Billy Clarke not missed a penalty. The season was starting to shape up nicely as we headed off in a smug mood for a half time pie…
… 45 minutes of pain later, and we lost the game 4-1. From really really good to really really bad in just one half of football.
That game sums our season up neatly. Wildly unpredictable form has led to sharply-contrasting fortunes. City have gone from winning runs to barren patches with remarkable ease. Good to bad just like that. Sometimes the change has happened mid-game, quite literally in front of our eyes.
Look at some of the facts. Lacklustre scoring runs contrasted with patches where our defence is meaner than the bad guy in No Country for Old Men. A poor start to the season, followed by a nine-match unbeaten run. A grim January stumbles to an end yet here we are in mid-February enjoying a marked uptick in form. Every time you start to despair, City turn a corner. And when you begin to think we’re on a charge, we trip up. Good in parts, bad in others. Wildly contrasting. Baffling.
With Rochdale up next, it’s impossible to say what will happen. We could carry on the good form or we could be on the end of a Grant Holt-inspired walloping. We might come sprinting out of the starting blocks, but we may well stumble out like we’ve been sat listening to Massive Attack and eating ice-cream whilst relaxing on scatter cushions. You never can tell this season.
The potential is there. The problem is the potential can go both ways. We could go on a good run, or we could see a nasty wobble. It’s becoming a case of which City side will appear. Will it be Peterborough away or Burton away? Will it be Swindon first half or Swindon second half?
In that spirit, let's look at what will definitely happen in this most bonkers, baffling and unpredictable of seasons.
1. James Hanson will hold his hand to his ear
And so he should. Some of the criticism for the big man’s form this season has been fair. But much of it comes from a much deeper dislike which is incredibly unforgiving considering what he’s done for the club. Keep showing them your lugs, Jim. You'll hear a lot of love when you do.
2. Kyel Reid will find a stand with a cross
The return of Reid to ‘tear them apart’ rang true as he destroyed Rochdale on his return. Since then, stuttering form and a tendency to make a mess of crosses have stopped Reidy from making the impact that we all know he can. Consistently inconsistent. Reid, Reid will tear you apart… sometimes.
3. Tony Mac will irritate someone
If McMahon came to VP as an opponent he’d be a likely target for some vitriol from the terraces. He’s just… well, he’s just annoying isn’t he? Chatting to opponents throughout and winding them up, I often think he’s a likely target for a reckless lunge. And that’s great. As he keeps his head, others can lose theirs thanks to his antics. Great work Tony Mac you annoying bugger.
4. Reece Burke will stride out of defence like a boss
‘Burkenbauer’ indeed. It’s very easy to forget that Reece Burke is just 19. The ease on the ball, the composure, the assurance. We will hear a lot more about this lad in the future, and it is a pleasure watching him in a City shirt. Thank you West Ham United. Thank you Reece Burke.
5. Lee Evans will play a killer pass…. and a hospital pass
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge fan of Lee Evans and I’d be clicking my heels if we somehow managed to capture him on a permanent deal. He possesses a superb range of passing. He also possesses a worrying tendency to play dangerous passes in dangerous places.
6. Mark Marshall will become a fan’s favourite
Marshall is the archetypal exciting winger. Direct, quick, with a trick or two up his sleeve. He’s the type of winger that gets bums off seats. The end product isn’t always there but there is no lack of effort and willingness to try something. All that, coupled with the fact he’s likely to remain the guy we ache to see more of as he sits on the bench, means he’ll become a real favourite with the fans.
7. The forces of #IPWT will continue to battle the #ParkyOut brigade
It has reached the point where every single result is seen by some as symbolic in this ongoing – and increasingly boring - battle. I await what happens the next time we draw a game. Who will gain the upper hand on social media on the back of an even-steven 0-0? Polar opposites in opinion but agreed on one thing – they all want the best for the club.
8. The drum will live on
The ugly face of over-zealous stewarding is never far from the surface at VP. It emerged at home against Southend but a quick #jesuisdrum and all was well again. They may moan at us for standing but they’ll never take our drum.
9. Someone will spend way more than they intend to on #upgradetheparade
To be honest, I’ve not yet 100% bought into the campaign. I believe the fans give an awful lot already, but I do get what £200,000 means to the club and some of the items on offer are looking increasingly attractive. One triumphant Saturday afternoon victory followed by one heroic session in the Record Café, and someone is going to end up bidding big. When they look at the jazzy new scoreboard, I hope they like their contribution.
10. Rory McArdle will reduce someone to dust
A combination of Rory’s all-round hardness, coupled with the general irritability caused by a lack of sleep (congrats Rory), means that an unsuspecting striker somewhere is in for an old-fashioned ‘reducer’. It is a shame that Billy Sharp isn’t back at VP at any point soon.
11. Filipe Morais will give the place a lift
Some players forge a connection with the fans, and some don’t (…always believe in your soul…). Filipe Morais definitely falls into the former category. When he stops appearing on the Kop to watch, he’ll be back on the pitch doing what he does best. His return will give everyone a lift – the staff, the team and the fans. I cannot wait to welcome Filipe Morais back.
12. We’ll all get the hump…
At some point between now and May, one of those games will crop up. We’ll all march to the game with high hopes. We’ll take our seat, sing a song, and the players will come out and put in an abject performance. We’ll get beaten, trudge away and take to twitter.
‘Useless.’ ‘****ing useless.’ ‘Awful.’ ‘Clueless.’ ‘This lot need to sit down and look at themselves.’ ‘Hanson WTF?’ ‘Pathetic.’ ‘Told you #ParkyOut’.
It will happen. We just don’t know when.
13. … and we’ll all get on cloud nine
At some point between now and May, one of those games will crop up. We’ll all march to the game with high hopes. We’ll take our seat, sing a song, and the players will come out and put in a barnstorming performance. We’ll win the game, skip away and take to twitter.
‘Brilliant.’ ****ing brilliant.’ ‘Class.’ ‘This lot make me proud.’ ‘Hanson marry me.’ ‘Superb.’ ‘Told you #IPWT.’
It will happen. We just don’t know when.
14. Simon Parker will be offered the chief headline writer position at The Sun
A quick look at some recent headlines by the T&A include: ‘Hammer Time.’ ‘Bantams strike with another Hot Iron.’ ‘Evans help us’. This man knows his beans when it comes to a snappy headline.
The Sun has great form here: ‘Up Yours Delors’, ‘It’s The Sun That Won It’, ‘Freddie Star Ate My Hamster’, ‘Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious’ are just a few, but Parker can genuinely compete with the headline writers in Wapping. Expect him to rebuff the offer, to carry on reading the below the line comments on the T&A website.
15. Parky will remain the manager of Bradford City
I make no apologies; I’m firmly in one camp when it comes to Phil Parkinson. I do recognise some of the frustrations that have been aired this season though. Thankfully, we have a manager who has kicked adversity in the bollocks on numerous occasions before, and I trust him to do exactly the same again.
16. We’ll make the playoffs or miss out
A late charge will see us fly into the playoffs. It’s what Parky does.
Or perhaps we’ll miss out…
That’s the point. It’s impossible to know because this season is so wildly unpredictable. So, what the hell, we cannot control it so we may as well sit back, get behind the lads, hold on and enjoy the ride.